Friday, January 12, 2007
Aah morning missed meeting with ayleen.
Got to school feeling so sick.
After school went up to lab straight.
Homework-ed and practices again.
Even mr lee was kinda freaked out by the rate I was moving.
CCA was okay,
In the sense that I feel rather accomplished lecturing the sec 2s today.
Mental resistance still rather low.
But I trust them.
It felt so awful to miss the tution class because of the drag the CCA took.
I'm so messed up.
I think I'm going to throw up sooner or later.
If the fatigue of stress doesn't get out of me.
You know what.
I tried.
You didn't.
So why should I?
It's not as if this was the first time.
I felt unable to tolerate being so left out and fucked up about all these and not being able to tell you.
Seemed you didn't notice either anyway.
And I don't know whether it was intentional,
But you missed me out too much to count.
Friends let alone pals do that.
And still you want me to think that we're still as tight as we used to be?
Like the promise.
So when you thought that I shouldn't be acting this way,
Please think whether I did it because I cared or because I was just pissed.
Don't give me false hope anymore.
If you want to leave, or are already leaving,
Just leave.
Unless you can prove me wrong.
Unless you can show me that.
Unless you can take away my insecurity.
Unless you can stop the rain.
&don't tell me you're tired.
I feel so much more tired than you.
I'd rather you stay quiet the way you always do.
