Tuesday, April 10, 2007
I think it served as a purpose for me to get better.
haha.
I was reading through a friend's blog.
reading all her past posts.
reading and reading till tears started falling and falling.
why is it that some people just happened to be so goddamn blessed,
and can't even afford to be attentive to the ones around them?
that, I think as I rolled around in my bed.
thinking about it trying to fall asleep at the same time.
no it's not possible.
I've changed.
like I wasn't me anymore.
I wasn't goofy enough,
I wasn't encouraging enough,
I wasn't funny at all,
trying to be better had started ruining my life.
why did I compare to others?
why did I try to equal myself to the people better than me?
yeah brings about the question again.
i think i'm too weak that's why.
I started to neglect people around me who cared.
though I'd admit doing that made me feel almost weightless,
like I could care nothing more than trying to be better.
so much better to become more and more unsocialable.
stupid me lah.
&today I just recapped a new chapter of biology.
just did more practices of amaths.
finished chemistry homework.
completing schoolstuff like it was an hobby.
that's not me.
that's not me.
that's not me.
that's going to be me.
that's going to drive me different.
that's going to make me different.
not unique.
just too different to fit in.
I don't know how to touch anyone anymore,
don't know how to be emotional.
even when i'm crying i can be laughing.
it's a two-way stand like an emotion storm.
not trying to make a scene here.
I really can't stand myself.
like I've started hating everyone.
started distanting from everyone.
started going home straight after school.
started to lose my life.
started having no life.
now you call that a dead life doesn't it?
yeahyeah, going to be anyway. besides, part of my mind enjoy being dead.
&
for words left unsaid.
for thoughts too vague.
for truths to wake.
for sins to forsake.
for life is just like fragile glass.
carrying it like it's the weight of the world.
one wrong move to shatter it into a million pieces.
try picking it up it hurts.
try pieceing it up it hurts even more.
see your blood on the glass.
get injured.
get scars.
and get a broken life.
never the same as it was before.
never the one you wanted it to be.
I'm so sorry for depressing everyone reading this post.
