the greenie monster had really crawled up to my mind. its spreadly and destroying all my brain cells.
izzit just me, or am i the only one alone?
it realli did suck. i stayed at home today. thought might still be going out. aha. dreams and wishes. everyone's moving on. well i dun think im part of it. in fact i think that im still grazing upon the grass when the shepherd already left with the other goats. i came to find out that there were a lot of stuff happenin in the school that i didn't knew.
stupid, eh?
2 of my good friends dumped me.
maybe it was just me. i was thinking too much. i was thinking too much about BEING LEFT ALONE. but who would care for what i was thinking? i duun dare to tell my friends. they wld think i am really crappish. saying that i am always with my friends and better off than them.
if its the case. they dunno me yet.
i'm going to crash soon. not now but soon. yeah maybe i'll be like casted away on a lonely island. cos i dun think i belong. i dun think they want me to belong.
truths i kept real inside..
*IM REALLI SAD THAT I DIDN'T GO WITH THE JAS/FAN/KC/MER/GAR GROUP TODAY. THEY GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER SO MUCH BETTER. why can't i like go with them and like "hey lets all take neoprints together?" or like "hey lets all get wet in the rain in orchard later?"
*shenn's house was a shelter for the ex-2/2s pple today. if i tag along it wld not be okay de.
*my friend totally cancelled the movie outing today. BUT THE THING IS EVEN IF WE DID GO OUT. WE WLDN BE SHOPPING FOR BAGS OR SHOES OR WATEVA. WE WILL BE HANGING OUT AT JURONG SHOPPING FOR STATIONARIES. clearly i did mind a lot. I WANNA GO TO MARINA TO SHOP FOR LP GOODIES. I WANN TO GO TO BUGIS TO BUY BILLABONG CAP. I WANN TO GO TO CINELEISURE TO CATCH A MOVIE AND THN TAKE NEOPRINTS WITH MY FRIENDS. i wann to bark about stuff so people wld notice me. but.
i dun dare. all i do is mess up people's lifes.
and when they think i'm always okay with it on my shell, inside its empty and miserable.
though i do love people who care for me e.g. aarthi / amelia, i do wan pple who AT LEAST BE ABLE TO NOTICE ME. right now i guess jasmine and peng yang are the only ones. though not as close wld be pple like iraimi, kc and fanny. but THATS ALL. THE REST WLD BE ALL BITCHING ABT STUFF.
but who would actually read what i wrote right now, at this very moment. they wldn give a damn. i'll just stay really quiet and invisible. so no one will know me. no one would rush to me and ask, " hey lets go out together" or "hey u wann to come over to my house" or even "happy birthday to you..."
gahh. thats all i guess. crap.
no one understands.
so i'll just continue dreaming.
.cried. the darkest secrets..
