Hey there delilah,

Is there a way to not get hurt by what others do?


What is the real definition of friends?

Are they your lifelong soulmates who really cares about what you do, makes you feel at ease when you share something deep, doesn't run away when you get cornered by your fears, always knowing what you think about & made you want to care for her/him the same way he/she cared for you?

Or are they really just pathetic people who survives each day depending upon you, insensitive about your opinions, shares the bad things with you but keeps the good things to him/herself, wants attention by hanging out with you, making you feel confused about every little thing & treats you like a fashion statement to wear you on or put you away in her big wardrobe full of many other friends same like you?

What is the correct explanation of the existence of friends anyway. Are they supposed to be there to make you cry, or cry with you? Are they there to laugh at you, or make you laugh?


There are two different types of friends which I can derive from everyday scenarios.

One is the one with a high profile, come & go, & treat you nice because you are of some value to her/his infamy that only can last as long as you are no longer the trend to a popularity, which then where you will get to be tossed aside until you're of use again. One who seeks company, & you happened to be there for her. One who refuses to listen attentively, always changing the subject, always insensitively hurting everyone around her/him.

The other, is the one with a low profile. A buddy which you can count on to be there for you whenever whereever. Not to just spill your unhappiness at, but also offered to be shared his/her unhappiness at the same time. She/he is conscious that with her/his every little actions, & how big it might be to hurt you. She/he is willing to listen & tell at the same time. He/she knows everytime what you're thinking & argues about stuff which she/he thinks are right, though to only lead you to the correct path.


Why do I feel so insecure & disgusted by everyone around me?


There are some people who judge others; they handpick those who seemed worthy enough, & leave out all the rest. Isn't that selfish?

& to make matter worse, they delibrately tell you how much fun they have with what they replace you with, a way to gloat at your loneliness, about your regretfulness to choosing such a person to be your pal.


However, I think that they are the ones who are truly dependant. They are so tame that once they lose everything they have, they will start regretting why they had do such despicable things in the first place.

They are the losers.


Everyone is consistently afraid to lose something. However, the real fear of they is that they will lose themselves. That's why they become so vulnerable. They are not confident of what they are. What they do. That's why they want friends to be there. To channel all their insecurity to something else, to desperately try forget about it & find something else to lose.


& I am deeply sorry to whoever I'm insensitive to. Even so, I won't at least forgive myself. Because I know I'm constantly hurting those that care about me, whoever that care about what I do.

Whenever I post about something about what I do. I feel awful. Because I know that this will lead to the misery of all those that care for me, that they are unappreciated & they are not important to me.

Though that is not true. Yes that is not true.


For those who truly feel upset about what I post about. I'm sorry for being such a disgusting fellow.



Thank you delilah, for making feel so comfortable expressing what I feel about.

I feel almost alive.





Tomorrow's back to school man. Though I don't have any undone homework(THERE YOU GO LASTMINUTE SUCKERS!), I'm still awake because I can't stop rereading order of phoenix!





Be glad
Be appreciative
Be attentive
Be happy

Smile
To laugh.
So that you know you're blessed with something others don't have.

Labels: tanntheheart