I don't know. I seriously don't.

I'm so perplexed okay. As in sometimes, I wish I wasn't born, and starts to wander about my existence, well sometimes I'm rather glad that I am here in this world.

Was looking through my blogs. I found out that from May 06 onwards, I had been rather ... particularly formal in typing out my entries. Am I trying to confuse myself or am I just showing people the changes I had from the stabs?

Before it was marshmellows. Now they are just dead dandylions. It's confusing me. What am I? A clown or a sadist?

Well, I'll still be a silentjester.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

I went to Lokies house today. Brought my laptop along. Double jamming.

RESIDENT EVIL IS SICKENING. But it brings thrill too. So I don't know whether I liked it or not. And I've also been introduced to Silent Hill. It's a ghost town. I think. Well I've not tried knowing it throughoutly though; I'm sensitive to reanimated or horror or gore.

Looking forward to wednesday. Wanna leave unhappiness behind. And I'm already starting. Look! How happy I am to make Lokies angry; I stole his Kelly Clarkson CD!

I'm stumped.

Well since this is the place I killed myself before, I shall do it again.

Friendship and Loneliness. Everything always turned out so wrong. I feel so inferior again. Maybe it's because of the resurfacing affilations I spotted from blogs to blogs and via MSN. One is a group who called themselves "LamerZ". They have had a reunion the day before. And it's making me weak. The things they do, I yearn to do. So fun making my life seeming so pointless.

Another is "Qat[S] ". I'm hating them without me. They seemed to have so much fun without me. And I'm starting to lose confidence in Aarthi. The way I communicate with her when she's online, it felt so empty. Maybe it's because Qats never had the same bond as LamerZ, where there's no restrictions. I'll come clean. I've never felt anything being with them. They don't seemed to care. Although they said they do. Yeah but action speaks more than words. Its easy to believe this group is collapsing. Maybe it shouldn't have had existed in the first place. Look at what I've now. Nothing at all.

Ignorance.I'm hating this. It's coming back to haunt me. Friends like Lok, Aarthi, Amelia; I'm losing my touch with them. And it had already began to lone me. Everyday I see them, but something that I can't explain pulls me back, and disallowed me to talk to them. And when I do speak, I wasn't heard, which was practically hurtful and annoying.

"existence proven(: _bLu3b0i sHaWn*". It states my blog now. But its nothing of it. I've realised that one side of me is merely pretending that I'm existing and being happy, whereas the other side is trying to yank up all these illusions. And the optimistic side is currently walking away, as represented as the "angel" theme of my blog.

My wings are broken. And they wouldn't heal. Even with family by my side. I do apprehend the care and love they contributes. But it just ain helping much. I would be blankly envying other people from a distance, each time adding in some jealousy and pain.

"Care and Concern".And I wonder if they ever did. As always. Pretending to be. People around me. I've already started losing confidence in them. Security is no more. I'll be huddling in a corner. Alone. In the darkness. No one by my side. Nope.

Did I do something wrong? Why is my purpose of life so incomplete? Why is there still some inferiority? A discussion with Jieting about being insulted in school only made things worse. Although I did told her I felt okay. No it was not.

I am jealous. So jealous of everyone around me. They can have everything they have. They can be hanging out with reliable friends, when all I can do is stay at home and know of the fun they had from them. And pretending to be happy for them. But all I've wanted is to really have a friend I have. Someone who doesn't back off when I'm in trouble. Someone whom I can communicate with so easily. Someone whom we can hug and call each other names and don't mind abit.

I guess I'm ending my statement. Tears shall continue the rest of this misery.


A sparrow without wings.
Envying others from its nest.
Helplessly awaiting joy to arrive.

As he sprung to fly,
A sparrow without wings,
Is like a person without tears.

Not able to cry.
Not able to laugh.
Not able to scream.

As the sparrow hit the ground,
His life flashes before him,
particularly nothing.

Nothing is his life.
Without joy, without pain, without sorrow.
Just a soul being locked up.

And now he is free.
As he roamed for happiness, misery, anger.
He has everything now.

_shawn.

Well I'm glad the holidays are over. I was late again today. 5 days in this week, a day absent, 4 days late. Wow. I even amaze myself.

Spring cleaning today in class was a little wild. The walls are all damped with soap and water. The floor is wet. I cut myself accidently and soap got in. I neh-nified SHIH CIANG, JONAR, KENNY and MERVIN.

Congrats to the people who got real high marks for their report card. I pity myself for getting 27/42 in my class. But at least I improved alot. My level position now is 94. Quite a jump from 130+.

High School Musical rocks the house! I'm loving it. And I've even made a remix version of a What I've Been Looking For.

Watched 2 new episodes of TSL. One's about the twins getting to another parallel world, where everything is in topsy-turvy. And another's about this drama thing. But disputes fell out.

Suddenly I feel so burdened. I'm scared about Aarthi and Amelia. I think I'm losing them.

It's hard to believe,
That I couldn't see,
You were always there beside me.
Thought I was alone,
With no one to hold,
But you were always right beside me.

And this feeling's like no other,
I want you to know,
That I've never had someone,
That knows me like you do.
The way you do.
And I've never had someone,
As good for me as you,
No one like you.
So lonely before I finally found
What I've been looking for.
~"What I've Been Looking For" _High School Musical.

Wooh. Two more days. To the saturday. The start of celebration. Holidays. Wooh cheerios!

Well tomorrow's the last day. Haha. And it meant the final day of collection of files, spring cleaning and bidding goodbye to fellow classmates and homework(although not entirely; holiday homeworks.*shrugs*), and welcoming the start of the holidays. So well, like everyone else. I'm really looking forward to it. Haha. There's a sleepover at a friend's house, and I'm going overseas.

I'm going to buck up for basketball practices with Joel. Yeah all the free time I can get. Not to mention having to warm up assesment books, do holiday projects to keep the grades balanced. 'Cos I know it will start to drop if I don't.

Just watched High School Musical, a television-made movie produced by Walt disney, distributed by DCOM(Disney Channel Original Movies), starring Zac Efron, Vanessa Anne Hugdens, Ashley Tisdale and such. It's really nice. The songs. Especially ballads like "start of something new", and "breaking free" by Zac and Vanessa. By the way I've heard that the voice behind Zac's singing is in fact a blend of Zac and a guy called Andrew Seeleys. Creepy.

But still its really nice. And the album is up at #4 in billboard even though its a soundtrack for a original movie made in america. It had already been certified 2x platinum. I'm impressed.

I'm going to buy the album if it comes out in Singapore. Hah.

After staying up till 2-sth the previous night, felt kinda totally weird I aren't really weared out. Nevertheless, the day at school started real crappy. After being late although some people jay-walked to prevent that and they did, was made to run 7 rounds in the school by Mr. Lim. Weird cos' normally mr. lim don't do all that.

After arriving in class late, was bewildered when the whole class was standing as I walked in. Mr Lee was having a lecture, kinda strict and stern one and I was told to tuck in my shirt more. Argh. But eventually we came to know why he was so agitated. The brochures that were meant for our parents. He found one copy torned which stated "zijian fuck kenny". And the whole class was told that if the one who did it don't own up, all our parents would be coming to meet him on friday. Which was bad. But we're given a redemption choice to doing our best at Science Centre for CIP today.

We took a bus to science centre. Went to auditiorium for briefing. Then assigned jobs. Was kinda hurt when Jonar didn't wanna be in the same group as me. Although I eventually knew it as a joke. Then the whole job was tough. Messy. Fun. Like lunching, crapping and playing at other stalls. Exploring Science Center is quite nice too.

I've bonded with some peeps too. Its quite nice weirdly. I used to be so cold. Haha.

After a looong duration of working for CIP, it finally all ended. Went back to the auditorium for debrief and went home.

Damn. There's school tomorrow?

YAY(: NEW BLOGSKIN(: LOVED IT. The theme of the original blogskin was titled Angel or Devil? But I've transformed it. Now it becomes Walkaway-dash-Angel_devil. LOL. Well walkaway's a really cool song. Haha took some time to fix everything together. But looking at the masterpiece, it's just worth it.

EXISTENCE PROVEN. Well at least I had people who noticed me. Haha I was one of the outcasts in the class. But now I actually get to know quite a lot more people. That's a good thing. I'm actually socialising.

LPS peeps! Open house who's going back? Argh I'm not sure whether I wanna go you know. Since Ms seet's transfer, and Mrs tan's overseas trip, there's not any reasons to go back yet. Hmm.

Technically, we would be assisting some primary school kiddos in the science centre, being a role model and their tour guides. Hope I don't mess this up. Part of CIP anyway.

Days are passing. Wooh I've flunked two subjects, which are Biology and Combined Humanities. Gotta buck up huh. Do wanna get good grades for O levels.

Sorry. Hadn't been updating lately. I'll just jot down what happened these days that I remember.

On wed, I played bowling with Qing quan. Argh In the end I lost to him. What luck. My skills must've been dropping. Maybe I'll play tomorrow to reprise my skills.

Thursday, well I've actually made up with Mythili. Weird huh. I used to be so agitated at her. But now. Aye. Forget it. Let's just say things are going smoothly for us now. And so well I woke up late. As usual. Had aarthi and mythili waiting for me at the ice-skating rink at Jurong East. Turned up eventually. At first, my touch on ice-skating was kinda crouchy. I had been skating unstabily and always need to be on the sides or hold mythili's and aarthi's hands. LOL. But Mythili and Aarthi helped along the way. Soon I was skating without anyone's help. Then, we went to take neoprints and ate KFC. Then we went home. Taxi, mythili's treat.

Yesterday turned up in school with butterfiles in my stomach. Well the getting back of papers aren't really something you would look forward to. Well unfortunately. I didn't get any As although I had expected some. But yeah I thought too I had failed 3 subjects. After checking through, I only failed combined humanities, which was because of my geography. I got 9/30! What luck!

Today I went to lok's house. Resident Evil 4 is so darn scary. Argh. Well then we discussed about Candis too. Oh and animal cruelity. Lok's have first touch with TSL. He don't hate it. New nick for cheryl: darling baby. LOL.

Well it had been fun.

A remake of The Poseidon Adventure, based on the novel by Paul Gallico, it was distributed by Warner Bros. A Jumbo Pack of action, drama, and a little gore. This movie also implied on the important of survival when in a shipwreck. Though I think it ain helping. I mean after watching this movie, WHO WOULD WANNA BE ON A SHIP?

This movie plot around a shipwreck on new year's eve, when everybody was busy celebrating a festive occasion in a Ship named after the greek god, poseidon, who was also the god of seas, as quoted by Andre Braugher playing the captain of the ship, who's in love with in the movie. A freak wave which was unexpected, overturned the ship and caused a large masscre and panic in the crew. Josh Lucas, who plays a career gambler Dylan Johns was an important character in the movie, with Robert, a desperate father/ex-mayor of new york, looking for his daughter(Kurt Russell). They ignored the captain's orders of waiting for rescue and set off for escape, bringing along a single mother, Maggie (Jacinda Barrett), her son, Conor(Jimmy Bennett) and Nelson who is a old man knowing archeology, whom also knew that Poseidon wasn't meant to float when overturned.

Along the way, they met up with Robert's daughter, Jennifer (Emmy Rossum) with her fiancé Christian (Mike Vogel), Elena (Mía Maestro) who was a stowaway, can't afford a ride to new york thus explaining the boarding on Poseidon.

The wreckage as protrayed in the movie included fiery flames and floating corpses on the surface of chafty waters which were gushing into the ship. They lost some along the way, and have to face certain dangerous routines which put their lives in danger. But it's better than the surviving crew who stayed back in the hall of the orders of the captain, which was drowned when a crack in the glass caused waters to fill the whole ship under pressure. Everyone helped in order to survive. The whole movie was seen action-packed, dramatic, climax and also a little gore. It really do brings about a new touch of opinion of surviving in a shipwreck.

I would rate the movie 4 and a half out of 5 stars. It certainly left me trembling throughout the movie. The turnouts were quite expected, which only losing Jennifer and Robert whom sacrifices themselves in order to save the survivors. A must-see and not to be missed.

Some of the pictures of Poseidon:

- A scene where they have to get across to the other side via the debris that is connecting.

- The Cast, who actually attempted to escape.

- A overview of S.S Poseidon. This ship is gonna sink soon.

- A roughly view of the cast in midst of discovering new dangers while attempting to escape.

Joy. Exams have officially ended this morning. I must be dreaming; NOBODY PINCH ME. Perfect.

A little chat with another good friend, amelia yesterday really helped. Well but its still not coming to me. Why is it a good thing that I'm presented into this world. Oh well complex. So shall leave it as it is yeah?

Came across two sweet casanovas. Apparently they are not as NORMAL as any other couples. In the sense that this is a arrow-arrow relationship. (Normal = Arrow-Plus) But its rather cute. These two guys, largely known as Kero and Colin in the blogging world are dating. Well some may think its rather.. Weird, like me, but it's a good thing being with somebody you love, regardless of all the different opinions you might meet coming across this obscene connection. Here's a link to their blog if you wanna know: Kero and Colin.

The world is still spinning. As it is. I'm not willing to waste my time skating in jurong. Yeah it might seemed fun. But it's like the only idea that came across my friends. Why can't we hang out in somewhere further, like say orchard road? Or maybe escape theme park? I'm surprised. We actually planned, but none of it worked. Well but I'll rather coop up at home. I'm not a skating person.

When the light surface, everybody will soon know.

The first encounter with basketball had made me feel a little.. DE-confidented. But no. It's just the beginning. There's more to come. The impact is merely a stepping stone to a better handling.

Life's boring. Especially when you're all alone, without anything to do. True, there's television or perhaps media such as the computer or some literature may ease the drafty feeling. But still. Without no one to share you're feelings with, without anyone telling you what to do, yes, indeed it's boring.

I feel like a deflated basketball. Is that why I feel so helpless and inferior? Ironically, it seemed rather true. But I'm gaining more sunshine in my life. And I feel that the deflated basketball is slowly regaining its shape.

Nightmares. Another source that usually brought me down. Like today. I had a dream that I died again. But I don't really feel surprised. In fact, its' normal for me. Maybe the premonition is coming true. But you still gotta live life to your fullest, as they always say.

Whoa. Its nice to sleep late once in a while. But not wake up so early. Haha.

So awoked very early. Was supposed to meet pengyang at 1. So rush rush, slack slack, and met him. He was BILLA-MAN. Lol. He wore a billabong tee, with billabong 3-quarter pants. Not forgetting the billabong wallet, and billabong handphone pouch. What is his problem.. LOL.

Can see the awaitment in his eyes. I mean last night, he told me he hadn't stepped foot in orchard before. Hah. We also discussed the budget for Jas's present. I had mine pressed down 'cos I needed to buy mum's present too. So yep we tried to get others to come down so our capital range wider. In the end no one can make it. Sheesh.

Somehow, we (actually, I.) got both of us lost. The somerset stop. We missed it. So we had to go back again. Finally we were on the street.

Went to heeren first. He was amazed at the number of sports shops. He swore he wanna come back here. Yep we hung around. Spying on stuff that will suits Jasmine. Saw roxy stuff in patches and splashes. But never mind. We decided to go somewhere else first before really making the final decision.

Went to Takashimaya next. Introduced the pratadog to him. He loved it. He wanna come back for more. Haa. So walked walked. He bought basketball-pants. Jieting and gang were at Mingqi's house. Kept calling us to get home soon. Wanna play playstation. ZZ.

We made our decision to buy a thirty-nine bucks worth, green roxy bag for Jasmine's birthday. Then went to take mrt at about 4. I think I got us lost again. Haha.

We finally reached pengyang's house at about 5. Went over to mingqi's house to get them. Then went to pengyang's house. Mingqi's hamsters so cute. Then played the burnout takedown 3. Me and jieting stinked. Argh. Den after that jialin went home. Mingqi too, leaving me and jieting. We played Street soccer. Well I think i did quite well. Haha. We also played street basketball too. Haha I kept winning jieting. All so fun... Haha. Then I realised I had to get home. Needa buy cake.

Left at around 7. Eventually reached at 8. Went to buy a choco-banana cake. Then reached home. Dad gave $20 bucks for buying cake. So me and my sister went to west mall to buy more stuff.

At 12 midnight. Presented mum with present. A bag with a flower and a card inside, with sweets and lolipops in 2 of the pockets, and a rabbit, puppy and piggy keychains in another pocket. What a wonderous present. Haha. Ate the cake too.

It had been a most gladful day. I'm really happy. For everyone who have had fun.

My life is getting brighter.

Wow. I can't believe its still the second day of my long weekend. Woh this is great.

Tomorrow's mothers' day. And guess what? I've not bought anything for her yet. So yep. Decided to buy with pengyang in Orchard later on. I think it is gonna be pretty fun. He claimed he hadn't stepped foot in orchard before. LOL.

Jasmine's big day is coming too. Approximately 2 more days. Haha keep waiting gurl!

The music isn't working. Damn. Haiz. These few days passes so slowly. Is there anymore time left?

Music's back. Ta-da. I've found a new reliable upload source. Yay me!

Felt like a boulder off my chest. Exams are finally ending. Now left with a Combined Science Paper 1 to take. Which is next tuesday. Till then, I shall enjoy these days, as part of my long weekend. Hah. By the way. Changing my blogskin soon. Well I hoped. Couldn't find time to. But now they are all spreaded out for me.

Ever felt like you don't belong? Well I do. Look at all the people around me. I mean. Is there actually anyone around me. They all have their affiliations. Yes I'm left to die. Saddening. But I had never expected a crowd anyway. Still. Sometimes life just seemed so lonely. But nevertheless. Yeah I still survived.

Inferior? Well probably. Popularity of others alone had already brought down pretty much of my confidence. Friends all are mesmerised by popularity, I think. And yeah survival of the fittest. I guess that's true too.

Tomorrow's Vesak. Zz.

ARGH. Stupid me.

Anyway, I've just got home. Was like so frantic during emaths paper today. Last question was like so difficult. But once I got home, I redid the question on my mirror(with a marker), guess what? I SOLVE IT. DAMN. WHY DIDNT I SOLVE IT LIKE DURING THE EXAM. Argh. Bye bye marks.

Anyway I'm just blogging this short entry 'cos would want to keep this jaded memory in my blog, so next time I can see to learn my mistakes. ARGH.

-----------------------------

Following up, I stayed at home. Till this very great friend of mine came online. Aarthi. She talked about a friend that went to a SAP school, and neglected her as a result. Really, I can feel her insecurity. She brought up quite a fuss about losing me too. Well, I assured her that nothing is going to come between us. Definitely.

And then. She finally gave an answer to the question I gave her a number of weeks ago. I had this premonition that I'm going to die soon. So I've asked her about how she feels if I really disappear from earth. She hadn't really answered my question, saying that NOTHING like that will ever happen. But I wanted something less-typical. I wanted a reply which is less delicate and more definited.

Thats what she really said.

"...... I have an anwer for ur question....about what I would do if u died(Which u WON"T),

If You died tml, I probably won't believe it. I wuld think that my best f. was playing a joke on me

But when it becomes real, a part of my soul leaves me....becuz u are part of it

Of course, tears are next...and if someday I do move on, it would be only because I know u are watching over me...."

I was honestly touched. I really wanna say that THAT is really nice. But that would be something wrong. I feared that I'm going to perish soon, so by thanking her, I'm not really making my truce about the dying I saw in my dream. Well there's that.

Friendship. Strange little thingie yeah?

Bells embraced charming chimes.
She halted the footsteps in the snow.
Tears sprung from the teary yet ravishing eyes.

He must leave.
A curse that is irreversible.
A hex that he must abide.

She grabbed his hand.
Placed a locket in the palm.
And clenched it to a fist.

But his soul is already dispatching.
Bringing about some inferiority.
Yes he was on his way.

And someday.
He will come back.
Smiling and waving from a distance.

_shawn.

I feel like a total drag. And no I'm not trying to impersonate anyone. Suddenly, i feel that everything that is spinning around me is turning its back against me. They all seemed so.. ironic. Pretending to be the ones who really care. Why?

I can see that everyone is struggling to survive in this hard and cold world. To them, maybe its never a cool realm where they could relax and be themselves. Its so dreadful. Its hell. But why do they pretend?

I guess I may never know.

These few days, I feel almost like fading away. Maybe some discrimmination. Maybe some disappointment. Nevertheless, I still find time to pass my life everyday. Its tough, but at least I have my world going around me.

Got up at the wrong side of the bed. Felt like dropping back into the cushionised bed. But otherwise, I went on the brush my teeth and sweeped into the living room filled with exhaustion out of no reason. Stared at the television for awhile. Today is not a bright day.

Faced the computer for the whole day. Mum isn't working. Sis is out in the library. Booredom. *sigh*. Life.

My grandma which my uncle, my cousins and aunt all arrived at my house at about 3pm. We had a date today. So some of us went to swim opposite my house, while the adults mainly stayed at home and played mahjiong for their own leisure. Me? I prefered to stay home. I would rather laze back on the couch then 'have fun' during the exam period, and on a hot day like today too. But i had company with me. Priscilla, too chose to stay home.

Gradually time passes. Soon the swimming bunch returned, and we paced downtown to have dinner at the coffee shop. I had thus been avoiding him for the whole time. For awkwardness? Don't think so. Just didn't really talk or KNOW him.

After the long dinner which costed alot, they went back home. By that time, all of us were feeling a little, tired, and hardly chose to walk. So we actually slowed our way back home. And yep that's when I blogged this entry.

I know this entry is somewhat, more polite than usual. But I don't wanna be seen screaming out names in other languages which would be misunderstood. Rather, its better to express my day in such a formal form.



He glazed upon the plain.
Thoughts were devouring his mind.
Is it him or are the clouds dancing?

Sudden yet expected,
Starlight pierced through his heart.
Existence is fading slowly.

Without his soul,
His life is a mere, body.
A lifeless and unanimated corpse left to decompose.

Maybe if the stars hadn't drove him that hard.
Maybe if worries hadn't started to appear.
Maybe if he hadn't die before he left.

Strong, yet unveiled,
Time still passes.
In this lonely crowded field.

This entry made is meant for the two, or rather three guys i disliked. well it might offend anyone, but I decided to write with no distinctive regards.

Most people do say they are the humourous persons in the class. But why do those blind, yet so just, feel so positive towards them? Is it the sudden craving for perhaps some de-stressing, or just mainly that they have to be followers of these two tyrants? Maybe it is because of the holding up of those insulting demands they contribute, to make me feel that the world is short of another two disgusting animals.

True, they are lovable. And entertaining. But they aren't any stand-up comedians. They are humilation. And sometimes it's better if my life is better off without them.

I really do want them to feel the complex that i developed towards this insignificant subject. Will they actually selflessly accept such an offer?

Bullys do seemed like a part of perhaps, your teenage life. Something that everyone has to go through. But there is some ambivalence here. Is it of the differences, that they carry out these kind of demostrations to those who are weaker? Survival of the fittest?

Trying to fit in is useless. Annoy and anger is what you get if you do something like that. But i happened to ease, seeming that those accumilations of frusfration isn't worth the expressions. No doubt this was indeed the sign of the upcoming disaster that is gonna happen. And i so believe that they are wasting their time, off mine.

I think that they might not have matured yet, being such that everyone had went through this important stage of growing up. Its rather childish, ambiguious and meaningless, as I looked back at those painful memories. I had lost the trust from the start. I would say BELIEF had no longer exist. I had not asked for a single apology for you. But what you had given me is much more and terrifying. I thank you for that.

Rather than plain bad-mouthing, soon some actions shall be taken. Both of us wants to have a life. So it wld really do better if we leave each other alone. Its okay if you don't. But gradually, someone will stand up, and open fires to them in the face. If the tolerance is lost, perhaps they shall know the true meaning of being hurt.

Knowing how this might offend them badly, it shall be the time they should amend their hatred ambidextrously. I really hope this labile mindset would change their way of thinking.

I have had more to express and to let out, but they are rather, messy. Maybe through a couplet, i should release the jaded thoughts.

A pail of water.
A downpour.

A piece of the clouds.
A running tap.

Water.
Liquifying.
All the same yet all so different.

Acknowledging the similarites.
Flowing a same direction.

Like a river.
Overcoming all terrors.
Without humilations.
Without grievance.

Maybe someday.
Things will change.

gahh.. now 11 plus le. time files. hurh.

anyway yep today got bio. wentto sch early to study. den started raining. haha jieting so farnie. and keng huat and zhengjie still damn kaopeh. argh nvm i wun quarrel with barbarians. they are obviously wasting their time irritating me. nevertheless lets look from an interllectual's point of view. yep ignorance is definitely the best choice.

and uh-huh. the bio paper was quite okay today. although very few came out from wad i studied. peng yang very tu lan. he said that he couldn do most of the questions. hais why liddat. yep den after that went to look for mrs pathy with aarthi they all. got this another project from the last one. expected to be the same. but this time round we wld be coaching sec 2s. yep the geog one. zzz.

went home with a stinging pain in the head. changed out my clothes. today mum nvr work. yep den went online for awhile. cant stand the tiredness from the staying up late everyday for studying. den wake up very early somemore. went to nap at 1 and woke up at 5 plus. woh.

stayed at home afterwards. mum had this facial exam she has to take. den dad came home. den slack slack slack. dad went out and came home with mum. yar and i received quite some more testimonials. haha right on. thanks guys.

anyway. after that around 10 plus. we had a mini celebration. today's my maid birthday. although i din remember. well den we had some crazy shots. check them out at the new added gallery titled : crazyshotsHOME_may05th.

the papers.
the are all killing me.
in a way that i am suffering.
way vast those minune bandages.

hope i'll survive this round of papers.
i really hope to get to heaven.
with angels guiding me.

heyo. just ate dinner. lols. yeah also just came back from mac.

waa planned to wake up at 5. but woke up at 6. lol irritated pengyang. den took taxi to school to meet him. was planning on meeting him to borrow social studies book. to finish social studies notes. shldn have lent it to friend.

anyway den during recess. pengyang like delivery man liddat. kana booked by alot of our classmates. den went down and sneaked up with alot of food. IM A MAN hahas. go alone to buy. lols.

amaths was really dampty. i meant it was really hard. cant figured out alot of questions. im so dead for today's exam. how could i be so confident before. but guess wad. got alot of pple worse den me. like zixin. heard she calculated she lost 70 marks. oh dear.. but overall the class also alot dunno how to do. waa this paper's standard so high.. damn..

tomorrow's bio. but like after school went home straight. went to sleep. den woke up late. was supposed to meet jas early to study in the afternoon. eventually met at 5. den went to mac to study. den crap alot there. listen song. chatted. studied. yeah really got study. bio damn loads seh. me only finished the cells, enzymes and nutritions, particularly animal nutrition. anyway still left osmosis/diffusion/active transport and so on. hais sian. den wah she go put garlic chili in my straw loh. den drink weird weird one. den me kana treat her fries. den got this guy came and sat at the corner. he gestured to the air and talked to himself. jasmine and i communicated thru hp cos dun wan to arouse his suspiciousness. he left eventually. he was really weird. i think he is sot in the head loh.

at abt 8 we left. den took bus home. den i ate. den i upload the pictures. YEAH I UPLOADED THE PICS. go check it out under junks. jurongwestMAC_may04th.

another day passes
each second fade away, like my souless body
its wearing out.

soon i shall be no more.

SHAWN_BIO jiayou!~

argh. im very sick of pple calling me names and everything. its so.. immature. and somewhat really meanlingless. people in my watchlist includes zhengjie, julian and keng huat. u guys better watch out. always bother those that nvr bother u at all. sick.

arrive in school today in a taxi ride hitched from ayleen. was on the verge on getting late. but nvrtheless i managed to reach in time. so yep the mt exam was kinda easy. i meant both the papers. the letter one i had a close shave cos i din really memorize the format. it was a last time memorization. the compo i had to write wasnt even difficult at all. cos it tells my story.

during recess i very tu lan loh. zhengjie and kenghuat and julian veri irritating. me sit there listen song doing notes they come and disturb. its very inconsiderate u noe. i am so regretting the bond we had as classmates and friends. go away and leave me alone. fuck u.

after the chinese paper, i din really bothered to find aarthi and qingquan. was feeling a little tired. hadn been sleeping well these few days. and now im just going to sleep after the studying of amaths. have to report to sch early tml so that i can borrow book from pengyang. ss book. lent it to senior. zzz...

haiyohs.. one day left to exams.. today must chiong liao. MOTHER TONGUE HERE I COME.

so i was pretty late in school today. den got stupid thermometer check. den i stupidily din bring. den stupidly have to buy a new one FOR 5 BUCKS. argh like i've just bought last week. yucks yucks pui pui pui.

anyway. we went thru bio paper. chem teacher nvr come. new e math paper midyear practice paper. new chem mid year practice paper. omg save me god. im so headache. BUT calm down. if i stay unstressed, maybe things will go smoothly for me. heh. learnt it in one of the psychological books.

drats mogu-chinese teacher. one day left to mt exams and she freakingly put the late ones out of the class. if i fail i shall kill u stupid madam lee. argh. but nvm i dun really tend to count on her much for mt. cos she sucks. her teaching sux. her hair sux. everything about her sux. zzz.

english was kinda stupid. 8 of us, zhi mei, jieting, mingqi, jialin, me, py, zhengjie and kenghuat all nvr bring. den miss wee sent us out of the class to borrow from other classes. but they all so kaopeh nvr go borrow. so i asked 3/5. but only got one book. jialin got 2 from 3/1. so we went up den in the end share share loh. hais sian.

after geography which was a tremendously long going-thru of the test paper that was returned, we had this math remedial. at first alot of gurls planned to stay back. den they all backed out slowly. untill left zhimei. but in the end jieting and angela stayed with her. wow a friends spirit i see there. haha good going.

den went home feeling rather tired. although me and py actually planned to go study afterwards, decided to drop the idea cos these few days we din really have enuff rest studying out. so he stayed at home and slept.

shall go send everyone a testimonial for gud luck in exams now. tata.
p.s. im scared. my exams is gonna kill.

bleh. days for studying are really getting short. wonder whether i wld actually fare well for the exams. argh somebody give me a time machine, or a stopping time device so that i can go back in time or stop time to have all the time i wan..

recalling from yesterday midnight, i actually made a new god brother. welcome to joel from 3-5's life. haha good going. we talked about the da vinci and i was really fascinated by all the da vinci error but yet all so puzzling. beliefs are unavoidable from the subject. well we couldn sleep anyway. so wth?

really tired when i woke up. cos like these few days sleeping darn late and waking up early. but today i acutally woke up at around 11. haha. so like went out of the room. as said yesterday night with my parents, a breakfast meal of macdonalds is on the dinner table. my mum is reading her work notes. zzz. brushed my teeth, den go take the food. argh the plastic bag with the syrup and knifes is oily. shld be leak of hashbrowns.

we actually planned to have a family outing to snow city. but wth theres alot of argumentative discussions and thus we went thru certain places such as the zoo, bird park, ice skating, which only leads to one conclusion, swimming. hahas weird family. so we went swimming at around 2. cousins joined us shortly. had fun as usual. whoa head pain in the midst of all the fun. worried for my exams.. hais nvm so relax loh.

after all the cleaning and bathing, we took a drive to a really conclusive place located deep within terraces houses at bukit batok. to my surprise, there is actually a coffee shop. i mean the surroundings all very quiet, only with the houses and a small park. so its kinda weird. but the food were all delicious btw. after that we went home.

fear. thats all i have now.

exams. beware. im coming.